Why?

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy when skies are gray,
you'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don;t take my sunshine away"


Jarrah is my sunshine, and she may be taken away becasue of a fucking tick. My worst nightmare come true. I did all the right things, she had a collar, I was carful, or so I thought. Today when I came in from Shopping she seemed to be stumbling about, like she was drunk. I noticed immediately something was wrong, and somewhere in the back of my mind TICK screamed at me. She was still bright bubbly and alert, just clumsy, and panting...heavy. I started to panic, hubby was in bed still from night duty, I called Jarrah into the bedroom and onto the bed, as soon as she couldn't jump onto the bed I knew and panic set in and I cried and cried while she watched me with her sad golden eyes. I checked very sing inch of her looking for the fucking thing, I couldn;t find it anywhere, I tried to keep her calm, to slow the spread of its poison. I called the vets in barley contained tears and we took her up. I knew to treat her was going to cost $1k, or she would die.

After 4 of us searching her we finally found it on her should a huge tick,I was relieved, angry, and devistated all at the same time. The vet told us she would worse before she got better, the next 24hours was critical. She would not be leaving the vets untill she could walk, eat and drink normally. They had to shave her.....My beautiful Russet husky had to be shaved. So tonight she can no longer walk at all, she is alone heavily sedated. She is shaved, probably scared out of her mind, and I want to be be with her so she knows its all ok.

She is so much more than a dog to me, no one would understand that, she understands me and I her, she is my friend, not my pet. I am completley shattered by what is happening to her, and the thought of loosing her is scary because I think I would slip into a very dark hole, she was given to me at a much needed time and I still need her.

My head hurts so much from crying and I can;t seem to stop.

The vert said she was the third dog today bought in with a tick, most unusual becasue it is too cold for ticks, and on a husly really unusual as they normally can;t get to their skin thru their fur especially their winter coats.

Please Gaia watch over my baby tonight wrap her in your cloak and keep her safe, bring her back to me where she belongs.

creeping back in

So the stress has started to creep back in. I am still trying to hold it back but by the gods its hard. we are broke, no monet at all and no food broke. Next month or so is going to be really really tough and both kids need new school shoes and my meds are low as well. I am trying really hard not to think about it, doing the it will be ok we will be looked after thin, but DH is started to show the cranky stressed side again and it is sooooooo hard. I am going to go to my GP and find out if there is anything I can take that will enable me to be able to o back to work without cripling back pain, a pain killer to mask it. I knwow thats not really an answer but realisically we need both of us to work at the moment, and this is the only way I can see it happening. *sigh* anyhoo wnough whinging.

I am on the lookout for a big old looking book so I can gather all my useful day to day rituals and spells into one big reference book of shadows. I have so many bits of paper, different bos, and information on my puta that I want to store it into one big book that I can reference when needed which seems to be a lot lately with helping people and finding stuff for them, as well as stumbling upon different interesting pieces of information, as yest I am too find what I am looking for, I am sure it is out there, it will make itself known to me when the time is right I guess. :-)

Well its off to job hunt, and sort through papers and stuff for me. :-)