CHALLENGE DAY # 14

A Picture of someone you can never imagine your life without.

Another really hard one, and one I had to think really hard about. I first thought my Husband, but although I love him dearly he has only been in my life for a relatively short time, I would miss him more than words can say, but for the sake of this challenge the answer has to be my mum.

Mum the day she was married, all of 19 ♥

Mum is the one I call for answers to almost anything, mum is the one I want when really sick, Mum is the one who makes me feel better. I simply can't imagine her not being here anymore, as she has always been here for me.

CHALLENGE # DAY 17

A picture of something that has a huge impact on your life recently.

Having large PE'S being told that you are lucky to be alive and then never being the same again certainly qualifies I think.

CHALLENGE #Day 2

Day 2 A picture of yourself with the person you have been closest to the longest.

My mum, my hero. I am closest to my mum than any other living soul and I always have been. I simply can;t imaine life without my mum, without talking to her on the phone, without calling her for advice on absolutley everything. My mum who raised all us kids on her own and di it so incredibly tough. I love my mum to bits.

CHALLENGE # DAY 21

Picture of something you wish you were better at.

I would like to be a better mother, a better healer and a better witch. I would like to be a better me.

CHALLENGE # DAY 11

A picture of Something you hate

I hate with a passion animal cruelty. Nothing gets me more angry than this cause. I am not a violent person but I will happily hurt another human who thinks it is ok to harm animals. It sickens me that this crime is not taken more seriously and that the punishment is not more severe for those who are caught. Did you know that most serial killers, and those criminal who are convicted of crimes that are considered particularly cruel and barbaric started out killing and harming animals, yep thats right most of ur worst criminal started off hurting animals.

Anyone wh is capable of doing this should be locked up for the term of their natural life.

CHALLENGE DAY #18

A picture of your biggest insecurity

Heavens where do I start, I am a walking insecurity, I am insecure about how I look, how I am, abosolutley everything.

A am a walking mass of insecurities

CHALLENGE # DAY 10

A picure of the person you do the most screwed up things with

I actually don;t know what this means but the person I have done the most things with is my sister. We have gone out together, danced, drank, driven long distances, been on holidays, had good times, and bad. She lives in WA now and I miss her.

My beautiful sister and My Daughter Abby on my wedding day

CHALLENGE # DAY 19

A picture of you when you were little.

here I am when I was 6 weeks old, when I was 4, and aas a toddler with my beloved cats. (I have had cats all my life).

CHALLENGE # DAY 6

Post a picture of the person you would like to trade places with for the day.

That girl standing behind her brothers. I would be heer again, happy carefree with not a worry in the world. I miss her so very much

CHALLENGE DAY #16

A picture of someone who inspires you

I don't know who inspires me, I think when I think about it it would have to be the woman in the picture. She is magical, lives her life as a witch, teaches what she knows, is a beautiful soul inside and out, and I wish I could be more like her.

The Beautiful and magikal Lucy Cavendish

CHALLENGE: # DAY 1

Day One....Picture of yourself with 15 facts.

1/ I am 45
2/ I have Green eyes
3/ I am Married
4/ I have 2 children
5/ I am a pagan
6/ I love music from the 70's and 80's
7/ I love fantasy books and movies
8/ I have a fascination for true crime and forensic
science
9/ I am a Dental Nurse
10/ I read Oracle cards and Craft Wands
11/ I am the eldest of 4 children
12/ My mum is my hero
13/ I love all animals passionately
14/ I have 2 cats and 1 Dog
15/ Music makes me happy

CHALLENGE # DAY 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die

I want to go to Glastonbury and Study to be a prietess of Avalon.

CHALLENGE # DAY 5

A picture of your favorite memory.

A memory that I love watching the waltons on a Sunday night with my mum. I loved this wonderful wholesome show with its many children, parents and grandparents. I would lay on mums lap and we as a family would watch this show.
In fact this and the muppets, anf mash, and a few other tv shows bring back happy childhood memories. ♥

CHALLENGE # DAY 7

Post a picture of your most treasured Item.

My dog.......This Jarrah she is my most treasured Item. I love her so much and she me. She make me happy, she is always happy to see me, and I her. She is my sanity.

CHALLENGE # DAY 12

A picture of something you love

mmmmmmmmm well I love my cats and I love my Dog, I love my mum and I love my brothers and sister, I love my Husband and I love my children, I love my friends as well I can't put all their pictures here.
How does one pick somthing they love..... I love so many things. I love things that make me happy.

CHALLENGE # DAY 3

Post a picture of the cast of your favorite TV show.

Supernatural, the story of the Winchester brothers who are "Hunters". They hunt ghosts, demons, vampires and all things nasty. It is my most favorite show on TV at the moment. It also helps that the main characters are very very easy on the eye. :-)

CHALLENGE # DAY 9

A Picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Heavens this is a hard one becasue there is not one person there are a few who have been in my life at different stages. I don;t tell anyone at all everything so really there is no one person just lots of differnt perople who I have talked to those that happened to be in my life at different times. So I guess the person I relyed on the most is me.........I Guess

CHALLENGE # DAY 8

Post a Picture that makes you Laugh

This is Erin she is about 2. She has just woken from a sleep and she was paying with Oscar who has always been drawn to Erin. Erin layed daown and Oscar layed down and stretched right out beside her, she was talking to him and he was trying to touch her head. It was realy sweet. They were actually playing. It always makes me laught. Oscar still follows her around, and likes to sit on her or near her.

CHALLENGE # DAY 4

Post a picture of your night.

My night time, the time of peace and the time when most of my tears come. Its when all is still when I can finally be myself, when I no longer have to pretentd to anyone anymore. Nightime when it is dark and I can fall into that sweet oblivion called sleep.

CHALLENGE # DAY 13

A Picture of your favorite band or artist.

This is a hard one as I love all music and I have many favorite bands and artists. I love Harry Neillson, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, America, the eagles, Billy Joel, Metalica, and so many others.

For the purpose of this challenge I will choose Pink Floyd, as they are timeless and I truly love their music.

CHALLENGE #DAY 20

A picture of somewhere you would like to travel

I would love to travel to the UK and visit all the ancient places and the places of power. I want to see stonehenge and go to a druid ritual, I want to go to uffington, Glastonbury, all the stone circles, and crop circles.

Sunday.....Day of rest...........yeah right

So Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, I wonder who for? Ok so I did sleep in, Heavy pain killers taken late will take care of that.....but then I had to clean breakfast messes, tidy messy loungeroom, fold washing, iron uniforms (that is a first and will be routine on a Sunday from now on blergh), make lunches for school tomoroow, make sure school diaries and all notes are back in school bags, scrape money together to buy bread and pull ups, and the list goes on.

Soon I will cook dinner, make sure girls are showered and haor is washed ready for school tomorrow, and dinner dishes are done and packed away.

Be interesting to see what happens Wednesday after my Angio.......I guess I will just jump straight back into routine. Tuesday morning will be intersting, Have to be at the hospital at 7am, and we have no one to take girls so they have to come with us. Dags will drop me off, then take girls back to school, then come back to hospital for me. Then depending what happens with me, we will pick then up, or he will go pick them up, then come back and get me.

It will be a mental day of running around, and very stressful for us all, especially the girls. :(((((

I am so not looing forward to it at all.

Nope it is not in my imagination

So tonight at dinner we were having a discussion about maths and me not gettin the maths of today, It turned a little heated as once again DH is always right, he soes not listen to what is bein said and he ended up stalking away from the table.

Miss 8 asked if she could speak to me in private and asked why daddy seems to be always fightin with me, I replied why don;t you ask him sweetheart becasue I really don;t know, She replied I am too scared to.

This is the second time in a week she has bought this up , last time she was crying and asking were we going to split up becasue she could'nt make the decision who she would live with it would be too hard and she was really heart broken.

now I have put up with DH little I am right temper spats for a while now, and lately it seems he is always taling to me like crap, I can;t do anything right, and he is passive aggressive most of the time. I have put this down to stress, financial becasue of the one wage thing and the fact we have no money at all, but now the kids seem to be picking up on it as well, so it is worse than I first thought.

tonight I have a headache from keeping in the anger I feel at him for his childidh behaviour, for not listening and for always having to be right and thats that full stop. For making it so that Erin is too afraid to ask him and tell him about her fears. For holding back the tears that threaten to spill any moment and not stop, I do not want to cry in front of the ids and make them feel any worse than they already do, and so holding in all this emotion is makin my head hurt big time.

Sad thing is that if I confront him later I will ust cry and cry and nothing will get resolved becasue I will be an emotional mess, totally unable to speak a damn word, unable to get mad, unable to do anything but blubber. Fuck I hate that about myself I really really do.

So what do I do FFS......riht now I feel llike ramming something sharp into my arms.

just for the record

Just for the record, I have never, nor do I plan to ever worship the devil, tale part in weird blood sacrifices, orgy's, child killings, animal sacrifice, or any other weirdo satanic like behaviour.

I do not believe in hell or heaven, I do not believe in demons or angels (in the biblical sense), I do not believe in one god above all others, and I do not believe in telling others how or what to believe.

I will listen politely to what you have to say, I will not let you ram your beliefs down my throat and let you use fear and supersition to try and convert me or my children.

Do not preach to me unless you have ALL the facts, and when cornered, or have no answers come back well you will burn in hell. I am happy to explain to you anything you want to know so at least you know why you are so against paganism.

Do not label me untill you have all the facts, it just makes you look like all the rest of your brethren, holier than thou, self rightious, and anything but compassionate christians.

Rememeber the 10 commandments? maybe you should re read them some time.

Friday.........HoHum

So here it is Friday. Another hot day today, but as I sit to writ there is a lovely breeze blowing that is simply devine.

Apparently there are 2 cylones off far NQ which is a worry as that is where my baby brother lives, I am hoping they just turn into tropical storms and don't turn nasty to cause any more havoc in sunny QLD.

This house is sooooooo untidy, it really is, and it is so hot thru the day I simply can;t get motivated to tidy it, my fault I know, but I am sick of it always being so untidy. Tomorrow after I hang out the two loads of wasing I have done tonight, I am going to get in and really get the house in order, I am feeling restless and disorganised, and starting to feel really down again.

We don;t have any money untill Tuesday when Dags gets paid and we don;t have any bread left, Erin informs me tonight she has run oout of pull ups and I just used the last of the dog food. When I tell DH this the guilt trip will be on *sigh*.

I am starting to think about what I can sell to get some money in, might have a look tomorrow.

today I am grateful for the cool breeze :-)

Animal Spirit Knowledge Cards

These are some of the cards from the beautiful deck called the Animal Spirit Knowledge cards by a lady called Susan Seddon Broulet.

The cards are simply stunning, and I love them. They are not an oracle deck more a deck you choose a crd from then mediate on to get an answer for. I lpan to use it daily for guidence.

It is so HOT today, I hate summer, but winter is coming YAY. Girls were renenrolled in Dancing today, Abby in Ballet and Erin in Tap, so they are happy. I am feeling very very flat today, I really need to get some motivation.

Ho Hum

Australia Day

So today is Australia day, a public holiday and a great excuse for many Aussies to get drunk and act like absolute idiots.

We had a nice day at the neighbours up the road, with other neighbours in the street. Kids went swinning, we had a bbq and had a nice time. Hubby drank to much and is asleep on the loung, I should be making lunch for the kids for school tomorrow.

It was stinking hot again, man I hate summer, roll on winter and the cooler days and COLD nights.

I have a headache yet again, that is every day this week I have had a headach and I seem to wake up with them as well. I thin it may be our mattress, it is really crappy, we really need a new one, but with no money what can you do.

I think I may go have a bowl of coco pops for Dinner.....yeah not so healthy but I don;t care.

Today I am thankful that I am a adult (middle aged even) and I Can have ceral for dinner if I want)

Back to School Monday

Yep school Holidays are OVER!!!!!!!!!! Today not only did the girls go back to school, but the started at a new School. The started a new state school that is run like a private school, right down to correct uniforms, harsh disapline, and the school goes from prep to year 12. I am much happier about this school than their previous state school.

Abby although nervous was happy to be going to a new school, Erin on the other hand did not want to go at all, and this morning we had tears just like we should have had when she started kindy. She clung to her dad begging him to stay with her all day.

When I picked them up they were both happy and said they had a good day.

I had bloods taken today ready for my *gulp* angio next tuesday, and tomorrow I go have a wax ready for it as well. Soooooo not looking forward to it.

I have lost my perscription sunglasses, I had them saturday and poof they have vanished......I have looked and looked and I can;t find them anywhere. GRRRRRRRR I wonder where I put them down.

Today I am thankful for the cool breeze, cause it is stinking hot here.

Happy birthday to me

I am 45 today, 1/2 way to 90 as my mother so kindly reminded me this morning........thanks mum!.

I got a new dremmel to help with making wands and Staffs wich is good, and I bought myself a praying monk and some prayer flags wich now are at my front door.

All in all its been a good day, although I am missing my youth for the first time ever. I am feeling 45, I feel old, and I don't like it at all. I can't bend over any more without creaking, I sound like my mum with the kids and I wonder when I GOT to be like a old person, I don't remember being like this before. :((((.

On a plus side, this kids go back to school tomorrow, a new begining for them as they start a new school, so a new chapter in both there lives. They seem to be growing up so very very fast. Everything seems to be happening so very very fast. Abby is changing from a little girl into a young lady.........and getting the attitude to match as well. soon I will have two teens on my hands, and that scares the daylights out of me.

Anyhoo today I am middle aged (again according to my mother) *cry* where did my youth go, why didn;t I take more notice of it.


Today I am grateful for my mother.......even if she is brutally honest LOL and my Girls.

Absolutely Enraged

I have come across the following story and it has left me white hot with rage, to the pint of chest pains and a headache. Why do humans do this, how can humans do this? I simply do not understand, I will never understand, and if anyone makes excuses for these low life waste of oxygen, I will just go ballistic.

I want to take revenge for these poor babies, I want to hurt, I want to make them bleed, and suffer. The empath in me screams when it comes to animal pain, I feel it so much, the physical pain, the terror, the mental anguish. I am so .........angry that this was done, and I am so angry at the human race.
WHY? why would you do this?????????


Horror as kittens found with ears cut off
Jan 20, 2011 9:03am

INVESTIGATION underway into one of "the worst animal cruelty cases" after a litter of injured kittens is found in Hobart.


The Hobart Cat Centre, at New Town, in the city's north, is treating the litter of four kittens, who had their ears apparently with removed with scissors.

The centre's general manager, Lyndell Whyte, said it was one of the worst animal cruelty cases she had seen.

"It's incredibly cruel, I mean, words actually fail me as to the motivation behind what would actually make somebody think this was an okay action to undertake on a kitten who's probably barely even got his eyes open," she told ABC Radio yesterday.

The RSPCA is investigating the case.

Money How I loath you..........

So this morning we bought the girls school uniforms, $520 later we left. So far on back to school we have spent over $900 on each child. So much for "free" education. How rediculous, I have bills here to be paid, and have no way of paying them again this week. *sigh* Of course DH CC statement comes in, we held his payments over christmas and I only restarted them again last week, when his pay resumed, so of course he is behind and got hit with a pentalty payment, and of course that was my fault, even though we both agreed to suspend the payments.

I hate this walking on egg shells all the time, not game to say anything becasue of the tension it casues. FFS I don;t want to be rich, I just want to be able to live without stress, pay bills and buy food would be nice, not have to decide wich is more important week to fucking week.

Oh and not feel guilty about it all the fucking time either

love and other Bruises

Wendy Rule was fantastic; her music is soulful and moving. It was an experience I am glad I got to have. I also met some lovely women, and I suspect not by accident either.

I was talking to two lovely ladies who actually approached me, and while we were chatting we discovered we lived close by. During the conversation I mentioned how I had asked on FB if anyone was interested in forming a learning circle in this area. One of the ladies immediately said to me you are not LunaBlue are you? Yes I replied puzzled. Turns out that this lady (Wendy) has a sister who is in a FB group that I am also in, and saw my message, (Wendy and her friend are not on FB) Wendy’s sister is in Perth, so sent W an email telling her she should contact me, and if she was interested in doing so, she would put us in touch LOL. Seems the Goddess cut out the middle person.

So it was a very interesting night indeed. :)


This morning I was laying in bed thinking about love and passion.
I watched some movie last night where a girl and her man were passionately in love. From the way they looked at each other to the way they held, touched, and spoke and this morning I woke still thinking about love and passion.

I wondered if that kind of passion only exists in movies, that kind of all encompassing, total love. Does it ever happen in real life, and not just the beginnings of falling in love either, I mean couples that have been together many years, still have passion, deep passion.

Perhaps it comes with being comfortable with oneself first, then being able to give yourself totally to another, because you are so comfortable with what you have to give. I hear the term unbridled passion, I would love to be able to do that, to be truly, deeply passionate, to be comfortable with myself enough to give myself totally, unabashedly, passionately, both physically and emotionally.

Love, a word a little word yet a word that can cause intense happiness, or incredible pain and sadness. Human love, comes with conditions, anyone who says it is unconditional is delusional. Love is conditional on beauty mostly but so many other things as well. If I was slim would you love me more? If I keep a clean house will you love me more? ect ect


Animal love, unconditional, you can beat an animal and they will still wag their tail still show you affection, you can be horribly scarred, mentally unstable, poor, rich, they love you just the same, they will comfort you, love you, be happy to see you all the time.

Human relationships are complex, often hurtful, we often dance around issues, we often hurt those we profess to love, sometimes deliberately, often without meaning to by a careless word or gesture, or by just not thinking.

Sometimes I wonder, would we not be better off alone, but as humans the answer is no, for with all its faults we need relationships, companionships to survive, be they friendships, lovers or marriages.

An outing for me !

Tonight I am off to see Wendy Rule for the first time. I am very excited, no husband, no kids, just a bunch of pagan women in a intimate surround listening to wonderful music. I am looing forward to it very very much.

Right at this moment husband is making banana bread and choc cake right from scratch, while Pirates of Penzance plays on the DVD player in the back ground. What a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Freshly mowed Grass

What a beautiful Saturday today turned out to be. The sun was out, we had a few showers this morning and it was overcast but by lunchtome the clouds had gone and the sun was out. Hubby mowed the very long lawns and the smell of fresh mowed grass was just devine :)

I re organised our room, and cleaned and re organised my alter, then lit candles for healing and rememberance for all those affected by the floods.

I am currently in the process of getting a application together for a job.....being a dental nurse for the government within the school system, in the school dental vans. Its casual 26 weeks per year and good money. We shall see if it is meant to be. My sister is heping me get my application together. I have to go into hospital on the 2nd of feb for a angiogram and I am hoping that will be the end of hospital visits for me for a long long time, BUT what will be will be. Health wise I am not sure if I can even go back to work.

Yesterday my feet decided they might like to swell up and hurt a wee bit, I have no idea if I can wear shoes for long periods or not LOL. I will apply and wait.

I am currently cooking satay beef and rice so I must go and get to it.........today I am thankful for all 5 senses that allowed me to enjoy such a glorious day

Money, the root of all stress

So now it all starts again, money no where near enough of it for basic stuff, you know pay bills, feed the kids, blah blah blah. My girls need uniforms to start at theor new school, $400 for both of them, we don;t have it it has already cost us $12 for books, shoes, ect ect ect plus we have bills here to pay. we just have no money, its so hard on one wage, harder when I can;t work.

Hell I am all but unemployable, I am looking but when you have to have time off for blood tests and hospital visits, and when doing basic tasks leaves you feeling like you have run a huge marathon its not great.

So stress rules the house. dh is stressed, he is passive aggressive, he blames me, I spend money, so its my fault. I can't talk to him about anything becasue he just does not listen.

so my chest is tight, my heart rate is just that little faster, I worry all the time, I don't know what to do we don't even fight we just go on ignoring. Today I need to go and get some scripts filled about $80 worth, and I am not game to, not untill after I have got the girls school uniforms. Its only one of the Ad's, I have the other one so I can get by untill Tuesday.

So now I go back to living on edge always worrying, always wondering how the bills are going to be paid, always feeling guilty becasue its my fault we have no money, becasue for 2 years we have been living on one wage and it is just getting beyond impossible now. My chest hurts.

I have no idea what I am thankful for today

Such a Tragic Day for so many people

There are floods all over Queensland at the moment, and yesterday a torrent of water, some are even saying a tsunami swept down the main street of Tawoomba killing 9 people and leaving 72 missing.

So many areas flooded including caboolture where Jen is, Ipswich, and where we were camping at Christmas. It is tragic, people, animals, lost. It is still raining, the worst is still to come apparently. The dams are overflowing, in danger of breaking, the same dams that were almost empty 12 months ago.

and so today I will just say, I hope all my friends are safe, I hope they are dry, and warm. I hope the Great Goddess and the Great God watch and protect them all, and all of the animals as well.
♥~♥……•*¨`*•……♥~♥
(¯`'•.¸ //(*_*)\\ ¸.•'´¯)
*`• .…* ♥ * ♥ *….• ´*


Tonight I am thankful, that we do not live near any body of water that can flood, thus keeping us safe.

A very Bizare kinda day

So its the day when everything gets back to normal after christmas, Husband went back to wok today, most places re open, and most sales finished.

I had a blood test today for INR wich was 1.8 so once again I am not theraputic, guess that would be the broccoli I had yesterday for lunch. Will wait and see what if anything they will do about it. I test again the day the kids go back to school.

Mum called me today to let me know that the people that bough their house in Sydney have both Died. He died very suddenly of a majot heart attack, and she in grief hung herself 6 weeks later, down in the bush, just above a bit rock that mums cats used to sun themsleves on all the time.

Its all very sad and tragic and made me feel very sad and edgy all day after mum told me. Then Sharon came over and while here she got a call to say her youngest had taken off after a altercation. No one knew where she was. She is on a farm miles from anywhere, Sharon was upset. They finally found her, but she was upset and begged her mother to come get her, problem is roads are closed becasue of the flooding so she has to stay put.

She would not promise her mother that she wold stay put and not take off, so Sharon was stressed out of her head and crying, it was all very tense. Finally it all got sorted.

Then MIL called me to let me know FIL was still in agony with his shoulder (hurt it before christmas), and was refusing to go to the hospital, or back to the doctor. Appaarently he is talking shooting himself and stuff.

Its been negative energy from all sides today and I feel very blah.

Today I am thankful for my laptop

Wet Wet Wet

Yep, more of the wet stuff falling from the sky. All day today it has rained, I am pretty sure the people of QLD although thankful they are no longer in drought, are not happy to be now in flood.

Here we are in January in QLD, I should be siting here sweating like the proverbial pig listening to the deafening sounds of cicadas, but I am sitting here feeling rather cool, listening to the rain fall, and the son of many frogs and I suspect toads as well.

Tonight my lower back and ankle are aching something horrid reminding me that is is not good for me to soend half the day walking from shop to shop looking for sports shoes for the kids.
We went to a big shopping complex down the coast from us, a retail outlet place to get decent shoes at really good prices, and while we were there had a look around......bad idea. My back and ankle are now prostesting at being made to actually work.

I remember when I could walk for hours and hours with out a drama....I wonder if I could loose some weight would it make a huge difference or only a little one, if the pain is weight related, or becasue of all the damage now done in both my spine and ankle joint.

Speaking of weight, I really do want to loose lots, I do......but with food being a drug for me, I have no idea how to do it and I swear if I hear the words, self control, portion sizes, and mind over matter I will go feral on someones arse. Why don;t people get that food is just like an addictive drug.......self control is all well and good to talk about, but actuall goes straight out the window in most instances as soon as a trigger happens. *sigh* but thats a whole other vent.

I have to go into hospital on the 1st Feb for a angiogram to check the pressure in the right side of my heart. They are trying to rule out something called cardio pulmonary hypotension. It basically means high pressure in the heart, and is caused by clots in your lungs. They have tried to rule it out by an echo cardiogram 3 times now but can;t get a decent reading, so this is the only way to get a conculsive result.

I am so not looking forward to it, last time I had one I had a massive panic attack on the table even with supposedly being given sedatives. *shudder* I will be glad when it is over, and I hope this will be the last hospital visit for this year.

Blood test for me tomorrow to check my INR levels. yay...NOT.


Today I am thankful for my hearing, so I can listen to the delightful frog songs.

Dreams

As usual on my mind last night before I went to bed was Elen, I dreamt last night of two owls in a tree. I wanted to get a picture bu Abby rushed at them and they flew away and I was so angry at her and so very upset. I also dreamt that someone wrote me a check for $3200 to help out with bills and back to school expenses, with the words it haas to be paid back. I had no idea how we would pay that kind of money back but I took it anyway thining it would pay for uniforms, rego for DH car, and buy groceries and pay the bills I have sitting here.

Its the owls I can;t get out of my brain this morning,

This is the owls I saw in my dream, two of them. One above the other in the branches. they were watching me silent.

I didn;t do My meditation, I will try and do it tonight.

Not raining so far today, gentle breeze blowing, and cool, all in all a nice day. :)

Today so far I am grateful for the cooler weather. :)

Rain and more Rain

This morning I woke to the sound of pelting rain and wild wind. Its also cool here which is nice. It was a lazy morning, then all of a sudden DH decided that the whole house needed cleaning so we all cleaned floors, vaccumed, washed up, and cleaned and tidyed.

I also woke with Elen on my mind she has not been far from my thoughts for the past 3 days and today meditation has been going over and over in my head. I am not sure how I should go about this actually, but the word will not leave me, so tonight I will gove it a try and see what happens, I am going to ask Elen to come to me in my dreams as well.

I am haveing a braclet made with a reindeer charm with rainforest jasper, moss agate and tigers eye as well. I need to open the communication lines with this diety, and meditation it seems is required of me at the moment.

Tonight Sharon is coming for dinner and I am making my yummy Broccoli and bacon pasta as well as garlic and parmasen bread. YUM.

Went to chemist today to get some scripts filled and dear lady the cost of medicine is just wrong. $60 for two lots of tablets.
There is still one lot I have to get, but the chemist I went to dodn;t have them so I will have to go to another tomorrow. Seriously, it getting beyond rediculous.

Today I am thankful for the cool weather, it is nice and does not make me ratty :)

The strange ways of the goddess

Well just for a change it was raining here today. LOL. We also had random thunder so loud it shook windows totally out of the blue, no storm just the odd random thunder. It had been dark cold and wet all day.

Now for a little oddness.......or is it???????

Earlier this week A pagan freind mentioned a dedication she was doing and a goddess called Elen of the ways. I had never heard of this goddess before so asked her to please tell me a little about her. She told me she is the goddess of pathways, travels and is depicted as wearing antlers and often is referred to the greenlady. I was instantly captivated by the goddess, it was like being hit by a bolt. I lokked up all I could on Elen, but the is very little written about this Goddess.

She is an ancient celtic goddess, and what I could find out about her I have saved to read. I have found some pictures of her but not many. I felt the need to get a deer antler, although I had No idea where I would get such I thing I needed to get it.

I went to ebay and found some antler dog chews, so emailed the seller about possibly buying a whole deer antler. I had an image in my minds eye of what I wanted, and to my utter surprise this guy had EXACTLY what wanted. So I am getting it from him. I have no idea why yet, I am guessing its for a wand possibly, one I am to decorate. :-).

Thentoday I sent a message to Lucy Cavendish about Elen, I mean she has travelled lots and written books so I thought she may have heard of her. I almost fell over when she answered and told me she is the Diety Lucy follows, I mean can you believe that!. It seems the mysterious Elen is making herself known again, I can;t wait to get to know more about her, there is precious little out there unlike most goddesses.

Today I am thankful for google, that wonderful invention that lets me find out stuff with the push of a few buttons.

Back to school shopping.....Oh My

So today we did the whole book list and shoe shopping for back to school for the first (and I might add last) time ever. Armed with a staionary list each we went. What a nightmare. So many books, pencils, rubbers, glue, Blah Blah, Blah. Of course we also had to get school shoes, and socks, as well as skorts and school undies for under their tunics. We walked and walked and walked. My back is killing me tonight and so is my ankle.

The girls were really good though, very little whinging which was surprising, and they got hungry jacks for lunch. Everything is packed away and labeld now with the new label maker DH bought as well.

So now I just have to buy school Uniforms from the uniform shop when it opens in two weeks time and we are all set. Phew.

All up with new bags uniforms, books, stationary ect ect ect it will have cost close to $800. So much for free education huh.

Man I ache all over so so bad pain killers tonight for me. I hate that I can;t even go shopping without paying the price in pain.


Tonight I am Thankful for oxycontin.....pain killers.

lazy kinda day

So after last nights drunkeness I finally went to bed about 11pm after taking two sleeping tabs. I didn;t sleep very sound, and on and off for most of the night as I was still on edge. So this morning at 6am Miss 8 comes and tells me there is no milk and can she please go next door and borrow some. I said no it was too early and D pipes up with, no mum will get up soon and go to the shops and get some.

Pfffttt mum will, mum has a headache and is not getting up to get milk. So I go back to sleep and at 8.30 girls come in about milk again, I told them yep go and ask M (Neighbour) for a cup and later today we will go get some. Now DH gets the shits and says fine I will get up and walk to shops and get it.

Good I think, you do that, so he took Jarrah and kids for a walk to shops to get milk and stayed in bed feeling like crap. I eventually got up at 9.30, had breakfast then took the kids to the local pool for a swim becasue it was so hot and humid.

DH stayed home with his massive hanover watching cricket and I don;t think he has moved off the chair all day.

Girls and I had fun at the pool, I even got in! till Abby dived in and slammed her head dead centre of her forehead on the bottom. She came up seeing stars and has a egg now, and yes it is going to bruise.

Am starting to think about back to school stuff now and how much it is going to cost us with girls starting a new school, I have no idea where we are going to pull that money fromm, I think I will have to see about taking it from the savings accounts they have, that their grandparents have for them.

Today I am thankful for swimming pools.......wonderful things on hot and steamy days.

Drunkeness

Oh I how Loath drunk men...I can;t begin to describe how drunken men make me feel.

So DH went for a "few" drinkls tonight with a mate who is up from Sydney, a mate he has not seen in 10 years or more. I told him, please pace yourself, he know how I feel about drunkeness.

So he comes home rolling drunk. Kids say to him are you drunk, he says OH hell year really drunk. I am washing up and furious. I have a neighbour in printing stuff off as well. She laughs and says a little under the weather D. He laughs back and says yep, very much so. Kids look all concerned, they have never seen dad like this. he announces he feels sick. Great I think he is sick drunk, fucking wonderful. Neighbour goes home. Girls get changed into jarmies and he goes to throw up.

Miss 8 is crying terrified her dad is going to die, Miss 10 whispers I don;t like dad like this, I am seething thinking I hope you are so proud of yourself idiot.

I put girls to bed, he comes to tell them good night and to apologise to them both, to tell them he is ok, just being silly and he is sorry. I tell them daddy is going to bed as well, and he staggers off to bed, Kiss the girls goodnight and explain to them about alcohol, and why daddy is sick, and why it makes you sick. Tell them that I have done it, as has their aunt ect ect ect. They settle down.

D. then gets up and once again throws up both girls crying again so I stay with them untill they fall asleep.

All are asleep now and I am furious. I HATE drunkeness, ok so yes go have a FEW drinks with your mates.......but why the needs to get blind drunk? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, I simply do not understand it at all. You scared your children and pissed me off, was it worth it?

I will never understand the need to write one self off, if you must do it, do not come home to me, go stay at a mates house, one of your single mates, who does not care. I can see me with no sleep tonight now, and the girls being restless all night.

I hope it was fucking worth it

Stormy Weather

Ooohhhhh The very darl clouds are gathering as I write, seems we are in for another storm, if not here, someone certainly is. It is very hot, humid and still. The air is heavy as well so feels like a storm is brewing.

Went to the shops in my very bright rainbow dress today and man did I get some stares and smiles :-). I din;t care though, I like it,(The dress) and if I can I an going to get more very bright out there tye dye clothes. (oohhhh thunder rolling in the distance). Drinking water is becoming easier now, still don;t like it, but cold from the fridge in this heat makes it bareable thats for sure.

Been a laid back day, took a chair back that I bought for camping becasue it was missing a knob, then wandered the shops lokking and wishing, then had some shushi, then came home home. I am just about to read the latest issue of Goddess magazine and that should keep me occupied for a few hours.

I still feel very flat and my leg is rather sore and feels very heavy when I walk even with my very sexy compression stocking on. I am still putting off going back to the doctors for a while.

I bought a lovely dark red nail polish and I will do my toes a bit later as well. I went into a piercing shop to have a ball put into my nose ring (try as I might I can;t get it on) and saw some beautiful makeup, makes me wish I was young again, and could wear makeup without it making me itch like a maniac. :).

I have decided I want my tattoo for my birthday I was supposed to get last year, I wonder if I will finally manage to get it this year???????? Who knows...I shall put it out there and see what happens.

Today I am thankful for the ability to read, becasue it is magazines like Goddess and Spellcraft that keep me in touch with whats happening in pagan circles, give me web address's I would otherwise miss, and allow me to read most interesting stories from interesting people.

Today I sewed !

Well today I used the sewing Machine I bought about 4 months ago. LOL. I hemed the curtains in the kitchen and as a sewer I am a damn good wand maker I can tell you. Give me a piece of wood and a crystal anyday, I have not used a machine since I was about 13 at school and now I know why. DH is far better at it them me.

I am still drinking water, struggling but managing LOL. I actually had coffee today without realising it though :(. Went to shops with Sharon and had coffee and donut, and only realised what I had done about 20 mins later. So came home and drank more water to make up for it LOL.

Its very warm here today, the girls are outside on the slip and slide they got for Christmas (remember those), the puppy is in her favorite position at my feet, and DH is playing the Wii.

I still feel really unwell and washed out, almost like I have been hit by a huge truck, and I am starting to wonder if it the last period I had may have done it.

*WARNING* if you are reading I am about to talk about periods, blood and stuff.

I got a period the week leading up to christmas, it was only the second one I have got since coming off Depo Shots after the clots in 2010. Prior to that I had not had a period in almost 5 years becasue of the severe PMDD. When I got the clots I was taken off depo as all contreception is dangerous while on warfarin apparently, but I digress. Anyhoo I got this period about the 21st december and it was heavy, now I thought it was odd becasue I have never in my life had heavy periods, except for once after having my tubes tied, but as a rule, never ever heavy, and I never had a period last more than 4 days tops, usually 3 days. Even the bleed after the girls were born lasted only 2 weeks.
I have also never passed clots, so I have been very lucky as far as periods are concerned.

Anyway I got the very very heavy period aound the 21st of December, and I bled very heavy for a week, also passing huge clots. I also got this period only 3 weeks after finishing my last period. Since then I have been really tired, feeling really flat, and generally unwell.

I am a bit reluctant to go to the doctor because I know women get bad periods all the time, and I do not want to sound like a drama queen, but I starting to wonder if that unusual period has something to with how very blergh I am feeling. At least by recording it here I have dates to refer back to.

Oh did I mention I am 45 in 21 Days...........I wonder when I got so old and broken? where did the last 20 years go, I was young once, I remember I was able to drink, dance, run, ....well I think I can remember. LOL

today I am ever so thankful for my beautiful Siberian Husky Girl Jarrah (who I just gave half my caramel paddle pop to), for it is her love that has held me afloat often in the dark days.