Alone again naturally

Yes the title of a song I actually really like. :). I sat up last night drinking and talking to some good freinds, drinking talking crying. Hubby got home from bed and was a little surprised I think ay how many empty bottles were collected on the table (I don't normally drink). We went to bed I was drunk and high from taking too many pain killers and oh so sad. I cried and cried, and sobbed and tried to tell him how I felt and messed it up. I got out I am in pain, and sick of it, I got out I want to disappear, I rambled he listened not saying much of anything he just held me, and I sobbed. I basically told him I loved him but it was ok to leave if he wanted, he said her didn;t want to ever leave me. There was so much more I wanted to say, should have said, but the mess I am could just lay there and shake and sob uncontrollably. He was tired, he works long hard hours, I said I was going to get up and have another drink, he said no I want you to stay here in my arms safe. To day he has gone on a work social function, its been planned for a few weeks, it will be a big night and he does not know if he is even coming home...........I didn;t want to be home alone, I still don;t. ihave called around to see what friends are doing but they are all busy, of course they are, they have lives and fun. I don;t want to be alone tonight, I am afraid of being alone, I don't want this anymore