Always in pain of some sort

Yes thats me always in pain be in mental or physical although these days its mostly physical. Funny thing about pain, you can;t see it, and you can't describe it except to say it hurts and when it goes on for days and days on end it gets you down. Thtas when they start talking about coping technicques. Well screw that I want a magic cure and be pain fecking free just like the many others who suffer pain. Mine is lower back pain, and like millions around the globe it really gets you down after a while. There are only so many Valium and morphine based drugs you can take, and throw in I am on warfarin on top of that and it becomes a night pare to manage pain with medication. Not to mention those who simply do not believe that you are in pain in the first place, or that it is aas bad as it is.........get over it, do more things and it will get better, loose weight (always a favoroite of mine) and magically all the pain will go away. Went to the GP today and told her I wanted to stop all my medications, she told me it was a bad idea....asked me why and I told her becasue I have had enough and want to open a vein........no one listens to me, no one close to me understands. We live on one wage, I am sure people think I simply do not want to work..........I do but I know it will kill me, I can only work 20 hours a week, I have multipal medical problems, I have to do a job that lets me get up and wander about when I need to. I am 46 years old..........yes there are simply 100's of job opportunities out there for me.......It hurts me to drive the friggin car becasue it hurts to sit down, right now typing this my back is hurting but my legs are aching so bad I would cut the feckers off with a chainsaw if I had one handy. Hubby says you need to exercise, you can walk the dog she needs exercise too. Thing is I will do it becasue he does not understand how much it hurts to be pulled along by the dog.......he simply does not get that it will cripple me , my back legs and hips. He just does not understand, he thinks I am making it up or exaggerating I am sure, his answer do it more and it will get better, problem is it doesn;t it gets worse, so very much worse. I do some house work, vaccume, cleand ect becasue he is forever dropping hints at how dirty the house is and he has to do all the cleaning. So the guilt trip I am already on becomes 100% worse. So I do what I should be doing. It hurts like a son of a bitch, I pop pills and become a cranky withdrawn bitch in pain. Once again it does not get easy the more you do it it gets worse.....so much worse. How do you explain to people I am not being lazy. I do want to help you, it just hurts like a mother fucker, and will do so for the next 3 days or so knowing you will get the look that says..........sure it will. Today I told all this to my GP, she upped my pain killers to morning and night and valium as well as night, panadol 2 tabs 3 times a day, so now I am a pill junkie as well, wonder what that will do to my already screwed up head. Told her about my shocking memory loss, forgetting names of simple household items, names of places, even my own last name. She told me its a mix of the pain killers and anxiety. Thats just great. I love sleep and wake thinking nooooooooo not yet, I don;t want it to be another day already. I don;t want to live like this anymore. I don;t want to be invisible and not listened to anymore. :(